Hello everyone! It has been a mixed week. Work as usual has been busy but very good. I went with my daughter Cathy to see my sister Margaret at a nursing home in Brixworth near Northampton. It was great to have Cathy sharing the driving with me, as it takes 2 ½ hours to get there; we just had a brief stop to swap drivers en route, but otherwise made very good time. Cathy could only stay a short time with Margaret as she can no longer speak or respond, just like her best friend Kate was before she died last September after losing her battle with a brain tumour. At first there was little response but Margaret came alive with a smile lighting her face up when a worker, who has built up a good relationship with the residents arrived and spoke to her, touching her. After her visit Margaret was more receptive and responded to my touch, holding her hands and stroking her face; she showed a little of her former independence and personality, when I tried to help her put food on her spoon to help enable her to eat, and folded her arms in defiance! I am glad she is still in there somewhere and certainly able to communicate to staff her likes and dislikes! Cathy and I enjoyed lunch together after I had spent just over an hour with her; it was good to have time for some good chat on the journey; she is so sensible.
On my return I found my beloved had had a really bad day in a difficult week. His M.E. has become worse recently making it very difficult if not impossible to sleep at night; it must be so difficult for him being awake whilst I sleep soundly next to him! The pain of his myalgia has become worse, making him take more painkillers even though he does not like to take too many. He has been shattered from lack of sleep and begun to feel depressed as he can do so little; exhaustion takes over so completely making it very difficult to read or even go on the computer, which is his lifeline. On a better day he will do things in the garden but if he gets overenthusiastic he then pays for it later, when he cannot concentrate or do anything physical; such enforced inactivity takes its toll on his wellbeing and depression can set in. Acupuncture administered by his physiotherapist is the most affective in alleviating pain and aiding relaxation for sleep, but his regular session due on Thursday was cancelled unfortunately! Why, you might ask? The needles she needed and had been ordered through the hospital had not arrived. Hopefully that situation will have been remedied by Monday, when he could have his missed session.
Not having his acupuncture treatment was the last straw for my beloved and he found himself weeping and struggling with the futility of his situation. We had a chat whilst I was at work on Thursday, after he had heard he was not to have his acupuncture, which helped him a little, but later on that day he rang me very upset, so I left work to come to see if I could cheer him at all. Once home it was obvious he was really struggling, so I rang his doctor’s and the duty doctor was really helpful, booking him into an appointment on Friday afternoon. I feel so helpless to help my beloved at such times especially as it makes me feel on edge and then I react badly or I do silly things as I feel stressed and am trying not to make my beloved feel worse; therefore I do make him feel worse; the road to hell is paved with good intentions!! The doctor prescribed him an antidepressant to take at night which could make him drowsy; a useful side affect for him. He certainly did sleep, in fact he did not awaken till late morning; I kept checking he was alright as he slept so long! He did not wake up properly till early evening.
I felt exhausted yesterday and everything seemed to take me a long time to do; I could not even face doing any gardening when the heavy rain abated in the afternoon. I did find it taxing seeing my sister as she was and to see how badly it affected Cathy, making me feel guilty putting her through that, when she is still vulnerable after Kate’s death. I also hate to see my beloved suffering as he is at the moment and being unable to help him at all. However it was lovely to relax with my beloved yesterday evening after he had had a second better night’s sleep, though he was not as knocked out as the previous night. I am pleased that he has had another night with some sleep again last night, so that will help him begin to recover from this recent reactive depression. This is the day that the Lord has made and I rejoice and am glad in it.